Compelled.

So for some reason, I feel that God has been tugging at my heart to write a blog. I've never been into diaries or journals. Not that I haven't wanted to, I've just been too lazy to sit down and actually do it. But for some reason, I've had this sudden motivation to do this for almost two weeks now, which is really odd, considering the fact that a blog can be seen by anyone and everyone. I'm not one to be completely open and honest with my feelings and what's going on internally, so this is a big deal. I don't expect anyone to actually read this..but again, I feel that it must be done. For myself. Maybe He has intentions for just one person to read this and gain truth and understanding? Maybe not. Regardless, I know that this blog serves some sort of purpose.

So yeah, I've been compelled to write this so-called blog. But what about? Well, the answer was quite simple for me. I've had a recurring theme in my life over the past two years. To me, among many other things, God is a Healer. I have faced trials my whole life, but he has really challenged me the past two years. My senior year I faced trials I never thought I would. Death of my sister's best friend, what seemed to be an impossible college decision along with financial nightmares, broken friendships, and the death of an important relationship in my life. College and the whole "finding myself" deal didn't go as I had planned. I tried to make myself into someone I was not. I tried to plan my life as I wanted. I tried to do everything on my own. Don't get me wrong, all the things weren't "bad" desires or plans, but they weren't  His plans.

For example, at the age of ten, God placed this desire in my heart to be a camp counselor. Which I find funny now looking back, because my extremely shy ten year old-self never could of been a camp counselor. But God definitely worked in me, changed me, and kept that desire strong, because last year I decided that the summer before my sophomore year would be the summer. It was going to happen. And it was going to be awesome. And I was going to go off and move away to Georgia for the entire summer and do awesome camp things and make awesome camp friends and oh, by the way, possibly maybe find an awesome camp guy, who would turn out to be my husband. Awesome plan, right? I thought so. I was ready. And I just knew it was all apart of His plan for my life, so it was totally going to happen. ERRRR! WRONG. I got denied. And yes, I was upset, why wouldn't I be? But God graciously gave me a peace about it. Then He showed me so many reasons why He needed me home in Jasper, AL for the summer of 2010. And man, was I glad His plan happened over mine.

Situations like that have happened time and time again since I've graduated high school. But thankfully, they've all taught me a thing or two. I've learned some patience (still working on that) and a lot of trust. Trust in His will for my life. His plans. Not mine. And believe it or not, this trust has blessed me in so many countless ways. I've experienced a strength I never would have without all the wounds. The second week of my spring semester, I learned that I had a tumor. The doctor was so concerned about it that she wanted it removed immediately. She thought it might be cancerous, especially since cancer is so prevalent in my family. Cancer. What a scary word. I could sense the inevitable fear in my family's eyes. My friends wondered why I was so calm. But honestly, I knew everything was going to be okay. Whether that included death, a shot at survival, or nothing at all, I knew it was all going to be okay. I knew it, because I knew it was a part of the plan. Not mine. But God's. It thankfully turned out to be benign. But without all the past wounds and His process of healing them, I would have never faced this threat with such strength.

Looking back over the past couple of years, God has shown me the reason(s) for each and every wound. Every trial. Every bump in the road in this journey called life. And I can't help but feel this overwhelming feeling of grace and thankfulness. I am so blessed. In so many ways. And all for things that I truly don't deserve. God has used me in ways I never thought possible. And I'm now able to find light in the darkest of days. God is so faithful. Always and forever.

So anyways, back to the reason for this blog: I'm still facing trials. Some worse than the ones before. But thankfully, our God is a sovereign God. He continually blesses me day after day...sometimes it just takes a while to see and recognize the blessings. So for myself and whoever else that cares, I'm going to post those blessings. Weekly. As a reminder that He truly is faithful. And He is constantly working all things together for our good.

‎"And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." -Romans 8:28